If you had told me years ago that Drew Sidora from The gameWe were racing Marlo Hampton (and her exposed boobs) on a track in Jamaica while on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I would be appalled – both at the absurdity of the situation and at the fact that Marlo has a peach. Hearing the announcement for the first time, I was really excited for her; some of my favorite messy moments in the series involve Marlo, at least peripherally, so I thought she would make a great villain. Now that we are at the end of the season, she has undoubtedly exceeded my expectations to her own detriment.
There’s a fine line between chronically messy and intolerable — Marlo used to tip that line, but her full-time status threw her firmly into the second category. From his odd parenting decisions to his below-the-belt comments and desperate readings, Marlo’s likability dwindles with each episode (even without his beef with Kandi). After the explosive dinner where Marlo was struggling to hold her own against Kandi, she uses the second day as an opportunity to press the reset by completely acting like nothing happened. Unfortunately, Kandi is probably the only actor this game has never worked on; she may not be outwardly combative unless provoked, but she will hold grudges and kick everyone out.
From the moment Kandi wakes up, she makes it clear to Todd that she’s past the point of finishing off Marlo and continues to be unaware of his existence for the majority of the episode until Marlo, the tail. between her legs, tries to strike up a conversation with Kandi. on the van between activities (talking shit about Porsha and Simon, which made me laugh). Kandi lashes out at Marlo, curtly asking why she is even talking to him. Marlo tries to laugh it off, casually saying, “are you that crazy?” Yes, Marlo, she is this mad. Since when does Kandi talk about her mother or her husband with ease? Marlo calls Kandi small and immature while simultaneously berating Kandi like a child when she refuses to play her little games. In a last ditch effort, Marlo throws out a cursory apology that my three-year-old nephew would have offered with more emotion and sincerity. The apology bounces off Kandi faster than it hits her eardrums, and she tells Marlo she can keep her “fucking sorry.”
Sanya is in full camp counselor mode, herding everyone into cars while forcing punctuality. It’s obvious she’s honored and thrilled to be back home as her accent heavily coats her tongue and her face beams with pride as she shows everyone around. They first visit Sanya’s childhood home in Kingston. The whole scene is very Caribbean and extremely dark, with a neighborhood screaming “Hey, Sanya gal!” seeing the athlete and his friends. They stop at Devon House, a historic Kingston mansion built for Jamaica’s first black billionaire, George Steibel. The whole time they circle the island, Kenya is always back at the hotel, citing the feeling of being “rushed” as an excuse for being late. Let’s be realistic; we all know how unnerving “finding your groove” for the first time in a while can make you, especially on vacation. Todd even said that John told him before leaving dinner that he would change and meet Kenya later. Also on Watch what’s happening live last week, Sanya said that although the cast never saw him again, he stayed in touch with Kenya. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.
After making them wait in the van for over 30 minutes before inevitably leaving, she shows up two hours late (with a possible post-sex smile plastered on her face) at Devon House. Sanya pulls Kenya to the side to express how she feels disrespected by Kenya’s disregard for the schedule. Instead of saying “girl, I blew my back” or I don’t know, maybe “I’m sorry,” she deflects into the latest melodrama with her and Marc. She says that for the past two weeks, Brooklyn hasn’t wanted to talk to her dad. She doesn’t dive any deeper into the situation, but when a child wants nothing to do with an adult, that’s a big red flag. But, as sad as what is happening at home, as Sanya said, it really has nothing to do with her being late.
Afterwards, Sanya takes them to the National Stadium to visit the place where her debut as an Olympian was born. To prepare for the occasion, she gifted fellow track star Drew a relic from her past: an actual Team USA Olympics uniform. I’m surprised she didn’t wear all of her medals the whole trip, but that’s okay. We’ve all made fun of Sanya for letting people know she’s a world-class athlete, but when she’s doing her thing, no one can deny that Sanya is That Bitch on the track. She glides effortlessly through the air, her feet and legs moving at gracefully superhuman speed, covering almost 37 meters in six seconds. When Kandi is impressed by your presence, you know you’ve done something cool. After giving everyone a taste of their talent, Marlo and Drew take a spin on the floor. Marlo strips down into a set of Balenciaga underwear which I assume resembled a track uniform and joins Drew, who is wearing the Team USA uniform. They take off, Marlo’s chest takes time for the camera, and they both cross the finish line around the same time (I personally think Marlo’s toe was in front of Drew’s). Drew tries to take a victory lap but instead falls and tears his already recovering Achilles tendon. Luckily, Sanya has invited Jamaica’s sports minister, who refers Drew to the top doctor in the country.
Day three is another early start. Sanya extends an open invitation to the group for their iFit video shoot, letting everyone be ready in the van at 9:30 a.m. When it’s time to meet, the only people in the van are Marlo and his captive florist. When Kenya calls reception at 9:50 a.m., she picks up the van which leaves at the scheduled time as a “dis-invitation,” and Shereé quickly co-signs. Elsewhere, Kandi leads the lines for an upcoming audition with the injured Drew. Drew imparts her theatrical wisdom to Kandi, giving her a crash course in her acting technique of choice, the technique that must have led her to roles in gripping films like Intensify and the Lifetime TV movie line sisters. Olivia Colman and Viola Davis have to be careful. They eventually talk about Marlo and Sanya’s budding friendship, and Drew and Kandi express their distrust of Marlo. Drew tells Kandi how Marlo has said negative things about Sanya in the past, like calling her a sucker after the MommiNation photoshoot. Marlo has basically been pushed into a corner due to his constant bickering with Kandi and Kenya and is looking to find another potential ally in Sanya.
Everyone meets again for dinner, where Shereé confronts Sanya about her being “uninvited”. Shereé claims to have been in the lobby at 9:30 a.m. (production footage shows her on the beach) and then blames Sanya for not reaching out. Later in the dinner, Shereé picks up the conversation by telling Kenya that Sanya felt she hadn’t uninvited anyone. Kenya told Sanya directly that it was her job to check that they had arrived. Sanya argues that she was working and it was not her responsibility to babysit, asking why Kenya couldn’t call herself a car like she did the day before. Kenya makes a moment of it to attack Sanya over her hosting duties, causing Ross to stand up and defend his wife, ending the episode halfway through. Housewives end of episodes: with a most likely over-dramatized diner cliffhanger.
• As an ice cream connoisseur myself, I add Devon House to my list of destinations. It’s apparently so good that National Geographic named it one of the top 10 places to buy ice cream.
• Apparently, filming scenes where you point at fabric is not enough to create a collection. Shereé turns her fashion show into a fashion “presentation” to lower expectations. Since, of course, our expectations are very high for She by Shereé, which is obviously on its way to being the next Off White.
• I hope and pray that dinner isn’t the first time Drew has heard an excerpt from Ralph’s book. I don’t like how he was so willing to share with the table but acted mysteriously right before leaving for the trip. Nothing he does makes sense.
• Kenya, Shereé, Michele, Monyetta and Heath cut it on the boat. Kenya and Moneyetta let that rum punch carry them through a Drake music video as they auditioned for a spot on Shereé’s “presentation.”